The Unmarried and Widows - Page 3 of 7 (series: Lessons on 1st Corinthians)

by John Lowe
(Woodruff, S.C.)

Modern Divorce
In the Bible, God clearly states, “I hate divorce” (Malachi 2:16). Research continues to unveil why God despises the breakup of families. It has been a long-determined fact that children of intact families are better adjusted and have a higher level of satisfaction in life. Most recently, though, an international study by sociologists at the University of Illinois discovered another dynamic surrounding the issue of divorce. Many have contended that children of divorced parents don’t fare as well because of the social stigma that has been associated with divorce. In essence, they were saying children do equally well in nations where divorce rates are high and there isn’t a stigma attached to divorce. This study found the exact opposite. It revealed that children of divorced parents do best in countries where divorce is less common. Regardless of a nation’s divorce rate or social views of it, divorce hurts and hampers its victims. God simply hates divorce because of the pain and problems it brings to those he loves.—SBC Life, May 1999, p. 15


11 But and if she depart, let her remain unmarried, or be reconciled to her husband: and let not the husband put away his wife.

But and if she depart,
Paul describes a likely situation, where a woman commits a rash and foolish act by leaving her husband; something that is lawful only is he has committed fornication. If she dissolves the marriage vow for any other reason, she has only two choices; she can remain unmarried, or be reconciled to her husband. She is not at liberty to marry another. If the sin of separation has been committed, then the sin of a new marriage is not to be added to it: “But I say unto you, That whosoever shall put away his wife, saving for the cause of fornication, causeth her to commit adultery: and whosoever shall marry her that is divorced committeth adultery” (Matt 5:32; KJV). This may refer, I presume, to instances where wives, who are ignorant of the commandment of Christ, thought that they had a right to leave their husbands, had impulsively left them, and believed that the marriage contract was dissolved. Paul tells them that this was impossible; and that if they had separated from their husbands, the laws of Christianity did not recognize their right to do so, and they must either be reconciled to their husbands or remain alone. The marriage tie was so sacred that it could not be dissolved by the actions of either party.

let her remain unmarried,
While Paul disapproves of separation on any grounds, he recognizes that there will be cases of separation that are not sanctioned by God’s Law. In these cases, they are to “remain unmarried.” The only other option is reconciliation. She should not marry another man; her leaving does not make the marriage void; nor can it be made void by any difference that exists between them, either on religious or civil grounds. Divorce is permitted only in case of adultery; and therefore, if she separates from her husband for any other reason, and then she marries another, she is guilty of adultery.

or be reconciled to her husband:
“Reconciliation” is God’s preference, and it is better for one to choose that course, than to remain separate and unmarried. If she is the one who has committed the offence and caused the separation, she ought to admit it, and ask forgiveness from her husband, and return to him and live in faithfully with him; and if the fault is on his side, she should use all proper methods to convince him of it, forgive him for the hurt he has caused her, and they should continue to live together and be faithful to their marriage vows for as long as they live.

It should be noted that Paul left out of this verse the exception Jesus gave in Matthew 19:9, "except it be for fornication"; but this may not be construed as a denial of it. Paul's failure to mention the exception was likely due to the fact that it did not apply in the case reported by the letter from Corinth. As DeHoff said, "Paul told her either to remain unmarried or else be reconciled to her husband. Divorce never solves a problem; it only creates more problems." Of course, exactly the same rule applies to husbands who left their wives. It is evident that this rule is still binding, and that no one who has separated from their spouse, whatever the cause may be, unless there is a regular divorce, according to the law of Christ (Matthew 5:32), can be at liberty to marry again.

The Ideal Mate
In the midst of marital disagreement it is not uncommon for a spouse to wonder if there isn’t somebody with whom they would be more compatible. Suleyman Guresci, of Izmir, Turkey, divorced his wife of twenty-one years after a bitter six-year court battle. In an effort to find the ideal woman, Guresci turned to a computer dating service. Ironically, from a list of two thousand prospective brides, the computer selected his former wife (his wife opted to use the same company in her search for a new husband). He responded to this information by deciding to remarry his wife just nine months after their divorce. He said, “I did not know that my ex-wife had been the ideal counterpart for a marriage. I decided to give it another try by being more tolerant toward her.” The ideal mate might just be the one you’ve already married.

and let not the husband put away his wife.
And a husband is not to divorce his wife: Paul applies the same principle to husbands that he applied to wives, and he makes the important distinction between one who might leave (separation while still honoring the marriage covenant) and one who might divorce. Divorce is not allowed except for sexual immorality, as Jesus described in Matthew 19:3-9: “The Pharisees also came unto him, tempting him, and saying unto him, Is it lawful for a man to put away his wife for every cause?...And he answered and said unto them, Have ye not read, that he which made them at the beginning made them male and female…And said, For this cause shall a man leave father and mother, and shall cleave to his wife: and they twain shall be one flesh?...Wherefore they are no more twain, but one flesh. What therefore God hath joined together, let not man put asunder… They say unto him, Why did Moses then command to give a writing of divorcement, and to put her away?...He saith unto them, Moses because of the hardness of your hearts suffered you to put away your wives: but from the beginning it was not so…And I say unto you, Whosoever shall put away his wife, except it be for fornication, and shall marry another, committeth adultery: and whoso marrieth her which is put away doth commit adultery.” Two Christians never have a valid reason for divorce. Just as importantly, Jesus never commands divorce in the case of sexual immorality. He carefully says it is permitted, and that the permission was given because of the hardness of your hearts. The Bible mentions only two specific grounds under which God will recognize a divorce: (1) when there is sexual immorality (Matthew 19:3-9); and (2) in the case where a believing partner is deserted by an unbelieving spouse—“ But if the unbelieving partners leave, let them go. Under these circumstances a Christian man or Christian woman is not bound {by a marriage vow}. God has called you to live in peace” (1 Cor 7:15; GW). On any other grounds, God will not recognize divorce, even if the state does. And, if God does not recognize the divorce, then the individual is not free to remarry—they can only be reconciled to their former spouse.

Jesus said the one who divorces for invalid reasons, “and marries another, commits adultery; and whoever marries her who is divorced commits adultery” (Matthew 19:9). When Jesus' disciples understood how binding the marriage covenant was, and how it could not be broken (in the sight of God) for just any reason, they responded, “If such is the case of the man with his wife, it is better not to marry” (Matthew 19:10). They understood Jesus perfectly, and so should more people today, before they enter into the covenant of marriage! Therefore, if a person says "God just doesn't want me to be married to this person any more" or "God brought someone better to me," they are wrong and not repeating what God said at all. God never recognizes a divorce for such reasons.

A Christian couple may in fact split up for reasons that do not justify a Biblical divorce. It may be because of a misguided sense of spirituality, it may be because of general unhappiness, or conflict, or abuse, or misery, addiction, or poverty. Paul recognizes that one might separate under such circumstances, but they cannot consider themselves divorced, with the right to remarry, because their marriage had not split up for reasons that justify a Biblical divorce. The partners are expected to honor their marriage vows even during their period of separation, because as far as God is concerned, they are still married—their marriage covenant has not been broken for what God considers to be Biblical reasons.