THE INFAMOUS CHURCH BULLETIN

by CHARLES ROBEY
(MOODY AL USA)

INTRODUCTION

What about the church bulletin? Why a bulletin? Obviously, it’s to dispense information. I do like the bulletins. Especially when the bulletin updates contain priority church information, such as prayer needs, the pastor’s sermon outlines, and the Word.

It’s nice to be greeted at the door and be given a bulletin. We must be careful, however, that the church does not use them for editorial purposes.

According to the Internet, the bulletins started in 1884, with Albert Blake’s invention of stencil duplication. Not only did bulletins quickly become complicated, but they also got to be very expensive. And church members would tend to get really upset with punctuation mistakes and misspells. Church members became even more upset when their announcements failed to make the bulletin.

I remember once, when my dear old preacher Dad placed an uplifting comment in the bulletin: “Don’t be slacker, be a shaker.” One poor, dear elderly member got really upset, thinking the quote was meant for her.

Eventually came the e-mails and pocket iPhones, and such. Bulletins began to disappear, in lieu of single pastor’s notes. Something to ponder, I guess.

Now, we enter a fictitious church gathering. Can you see it happening in today’s world? Should we label our blog “The Infamous Church Bulletin”?

(Hebrews 4:12) “For the word of God is alive and active. Sharper than any double-edged sword, it penetrates even to dividing soul and spirit, joints and marrow; it judges the thoughts and attitudes of the heart.”

It all started when Deacon Faithful overslept. His Sunday duty was to come a little early and see to it that the church bulletins were ready for handing out. But this time, due to his oversleeping, a religious-generated discussion occurred within the church.

"Where are the church bulletins? We can't have church without a bulletin. How will I know when to stand up and when to kneel and pray?" exclaimed Deacon Doubtful. As Deacon Doubtful continued to express his concern, many others also chimed in by expressing their apprehension.

Sister Skeptic, who is usually rather quiet and doesn't take part in the service, stood and loudly screamed, "I've heard enough! I want you to know I'm a Christian and have been a member of this church for over 30 years! Why, my father even helped build this church up from nothing. The bulletin has always been a part of my life!"

Before Sister Skeptic could finish, she was rudely interrupted by Deacon Backslider, who shouted, "Sister, you may indeed be a Christian, but you surely didn't get it here!" This contagious eruption continued into the start of the service, which prompted the need for Pastor Logic to step in and explain. You see, Pastor Logic was a soft-spoken man of God, but he just couldn't take it anymore.

"You see,” Pastor Logic said, “Our beloved Sister Faithful has been sick for many weeks, and she couldn't get the bulletins printed. We certainly can’t blame Deacon Faithful. We'll just have to depend on our faith to carry us through this service, even as hectic as the outcome may be."

Pastor Logic’s closing remark seem to do the trick. “Do we need to place a sign over our entrance doorway stating, 'Entering Ichabod, For the Glory has departed'?"

“She had named the boy Ichabod, saying, "Glory has departed from Israel," because the Ark of God had been captured and because her father-in-law and husband were dead. “ (I Samuel 4:12)


After this short declaration from Pastor Logic, things seemed to settle down and the service went on as planned. But lo and behold, when Deacon Grateful gave the opening prayer, positive emotions suddenly overcame the entire congregation.

Certain supernatural events began happening throughout our small chapel. First of all, Deacon Grateful started his prayer by asking the Lord, "Lord please let something happen today in this service that would not be in the bulletin.”

And, oh how the spirit changed after Deacon Grateful prayed. It was as if tongues of fire had fallen on his shoulders. The music worship minister led the hymns like never before, accompanied by all the loyal attendees. It was as if our little chapel had been taken over by a band of angels. Even Sister No Note, who had been banished from the choir, chimed in like never before.

What a glorious time of singing we had! Next came the announcements and offering, led by Pastor Logic. I'll never forget how the Pastor stood so firmly as he outlined the coming week’s church events. And this alone was rather unusual since he didn't even have to read the usual upcoming agenda from the bulletin.

Deacon Boring became so excited; he even shouted a big "Amen" to the Pastor’s announcement remarks. You would have to know Deacon Boring to appreciate this. You see, he was a good man but he had never gotten caught up in the spirit of the services before. And, yes, the offering plates were filled that day as well.

When it came time for Pastor Logic to give his usual sermon, the chain of events continued to reverse the customary style of our worship. Throughout our little chapel, members and visitors alike began to spontaneously stand and give their testimonies. One by one they stood until most had given their statements. And when the spontaneous worship was concluded, all Pastor Logic could add was a big "Amen” and a hearty “Hallelujah". He closed the service in thoughtful prayer.

Well, we never had a sermon that day, because we didn't need one. You see, the sermon was real as the message of God's love was shown through the expressions of the many who testified that day. Also, what was so different, no one bothered to check their watches as the meeting concluded. Instead, everyone gathered around the old- fashioned altar for prayer.

As the folks begin to trickle out, they all broke into singing the old-time song, "Give Me That Old Time Religion" with everyone clapping and hugging while exiting the chapel. Well, as you probably guessed, our little church was never the same again. The weekly bulletins did continue. However, the format underwent a "Holy Redrafting."

Now, instead of listing the order of service, the bulletins have a listing of church opportunities for service, a listing of the congregation's prayer needs and an outline of the pastor's sermon with ample room for write-in notes.

CONCLUSION

When was the last time you heard the shout of an "Amen" or a "Hallelujah" in your church service?

I realize this is a fictitious rendering of the goodness of the spontaneity of a "praise and worship" service. And, I also realize all church services have to have some semblance of order. However, you may label me old-fashioned, and I guess to a certain degree, I may be. Being older than dirt and twice as gritty, I still love that Old Time Religion. Why, I might possibly have my Bible autographed.

This story also brings back vivid memories of those old Brush Arbor revival meetings where the "Amens" and the "Hallelujahs" echoed as the Spirit led.

Additionally, in support of the evangelistic message, was the old-fashioned church altar, which sadly to say is missing from many of our churches these days. Now, I realize the physical make up of that old altar was no different than any other construction. However, that old-fashioned altar was very special for me, for that old altar was where I was first introduced to the Living God. Amen!