THE BISCUIT MAN

by CHARLES ROBEY
(MOODY AL USA)

PROLOGUE

I feel just like a goat on AstroTurf, respecting my usual drive-thru breakfasts. Nonetheless, I’ve had some unbelievable fast-food breakfasts and mid-morning candy bar and coke chasers. So, to the best of my 50s-reared behavior, here goes. Since the cows are already out of the barn, please enjoy the Prologue intro, then if you are so brave enough to do so, please move on with this faith-based, fictional, food-related pun.

”A person can do nothing better than to eat and drink and find satisfaction in their own toil. This too, I see, is from the hand of God, For without him, who can eat or find enjoyment?" (Ecclesiastes 2:24-25)

If you’ve been following my perturbed musings, you probably have noticed my breakfast troubles with a certain (name redacted) drive-thru window. From wrong sandwiches to no-meat sandwiches, to two cheese-only sandwiches, to no sandwiches at all, etc. Well, today takes the proverbial cake. My order of biscuit and gravy, which comes with two biscuits, only had one biscuit and a half.

Being a person with a strong faith-based persuasion, what should I do in retaliation? I’m open to suggestions. Should I retreat to my childhood temper tantrums, should I crawl up like a bug in a rug, should I contact TV’s “What’s on Your Mind?” Or, maybe should I simply find another fast-food restaurant that has a good report, somewhere out there? Oh well, such is the life in today’s fast lane, I guess.

That was then, and now is now. Given enough time, one can practically get over most anything that comes along. That’s my long-standing motto. It’s never failed me yet.

So, what if I told you of an experience, a related vision, dream, or just maybe a real-life adventure? This one is moving through my life experiences into another of my make-believe dream worlds, changing the very spirit of my life’s adventures.

“I wouldn’t believe it,” you'd say. No, I wouldn’t have either if I hadn’t seen it with my own eyes. So, that’s where we will begin, with an eye-catching sight.

I have entitled this, yet another fiction, that of a real-life modern-day parable, an earthly story with a heavenly meaning, “The Biscuit Man.”

"This is what I have observed to be good: that it is appropriate for a person to eat, to drink and to find satisfaction in their toilsome labor under the sun during the few days of life God has given them—for this is their lot." (Ecclesiastes 5:18)

I woke unusually early today. So, I went out to the back deck, to wait a spell for my favorite fast-food restaurant to open up. I must have unexpectedly fallen asleep. I’ve been doing that a lot lately, in my senior moments. It must be my exhaustion from the grueling Bible college teaching. Is it that time, is retirement close at hand?

No, actually my patience was simply wearing thin, for I had been waiting for an invitation to join the summer cooking class at my local community college.

I suddenly found myself pulling up to my favorite fast-food drive-thru window. The window was closed, and a posted sign read, “Temporary Closed - No Biscuit Mix." 'What shall I do?' I wondered.

As I started to pull away, an event happened. A man was standing beside my car and knocking on the car window, attempting to draw my attention. Looking out, I couldn’t believe my eyes. He was not an ordinary man by any stretch of the imagination, but a giant biscuit, pointing out to the road and waving his hands wildly. I was overcome by a sudden fear, and swiftly turned to pull out of the drive-thru lane in an effort to leave him behind.

Was that a mistake? Maybe so, for when I drove on to the road, the scene around my car suddenly changed. My vehicle was completely covered both outside and inside by biscuits. Hundreds of biscuits, all shapes and forms. They were thickly coating my entire car; on the seats, under the seats, on the floor mat, on the dashboard and sticking all over the car windows. Some even stuck to the upper headliner.

Some were dripping in butter, others oozed jelly, while still others were covered with sausage gravy. 'What a mess, what am I to do?' I thought. Meanwhile, the biscuit man had run out into the road, coming to my rescue.

“I don’t rightly know who you are, or just where you came from. Nonetheless, I’m surely glad you’re here!” I cried out ever so loudly. “Will you please help me?”

But he didn't answer. It was no wonder, for he was gone. He had vanished out of sight. And with his sudden flight, my entire car mysteriously cleared up, no more biscuits anywhere.

And also did my strange dream, as well. I was back home, with the smell of my wife cooking breakfast wafting through the house. As she saw me enter the kitchen, she quickly started setting the breakfast table.

I said, “No biscuits and gravy today for me, my love. I'll just have coffee” and sat down at the table. And lying there on the breakfast table, as if hatched from a spoiled egg, was an all-important letter from the college. Quickly opening the letter, I saw the approval to join the summer cooking classes that I had been waiting for. “Wow!” I exclaimed to the surprise of my wife.

Suddenly my appetite returned, with a deep desire for a big plate of sausage gravy biscuits.

“Please pass the biscuits and gravy,” I said to my wife.

Did I continue to visit this local fast-food drive-thru? You bet your greasy gravy biscuit I did. And I was so glad to do so. Never more will I complain about the service. Amen!

EPILOGUE

I trust you enjoyed this brief fictional musing blog as much as I did in its writing. Can you relate to the gist of the blog?

The wife often remarks of the past. Seems food always seems to enter the conversation. In my growing up oftentimes the shortage of food was our family’s main table conversation, sometimes to the point of a friendly brotherly spat. “Patience now, kids!” was always Dad’s injunction.

The following excerpt is taken in part from the internet. ” Patience is the ability to endure difficult circumstances or stay calm while waiting for something Patience can be applied to different situations, such as dealing with other people, facing life challenges, or coping with daily annoyances. Patience can help people to reduce stress, improve relationships, and achieve their goals.”

“When you look at life with is seemingly aimless cycles and inexplicable paradoxes, you might conclude that all is futile, since it is impossible to discern any purpose in the ordering of events. Nonetheless, life is to be enjoyed to the fullest, realizing that it is the gift of God. The wise man will live his life in obedience to God, recognizing that God will eventually judge all men. (Dr Charles Ryrie)

(Ecclesiastes 3:12-13) “So I concluded there is nothing better than to be happy and enjoy ourselves as long as we can. And people should eat and drink and enjoy the fruits of their labor, for these are gifts from God.”