FOR US SENIOR'S- IT'S ALL IN THE FAST LANE

by CharlesRobey
(Trussville, AL USA)

Please read (Ecclesiastes 12:1-7) in preparation for this blog.

For us "Senior Saints" life in the fast lane can be a bit upsetting or even problematic at times. For years I would sit on the old back porch, listening to Gramps telling all about his retirement exploits. Gramps was known for stretching the truth until it popped, and he had a knack of making a boring escapade seem like the adventures of "Robinson Crusoe" . One thing that stands out about Gramps is that he could say his ABC's backward. No, he wasn't dyslexic, it was just his talent. Surely he would never mislead us kids.

Now the baton of retirement has been passed on down the line, but not like the exhilaration, the enthusiasm or the stimulation of Gramps’ tales, however.

Yes, retirement is great. I no longer punch that time clock. I can sit on my deck for hours, and sip that big RC Cola and eat my Moon Pie at will. I can even try the wife's patience by accompanying her to the store and watching the cash register ding.

However, recalling these memories certainly keeps me busy and the wife bored to death, especially when I utter the famous phrase, "You remember when, or remember that?” Her response is always. “How can you remember that, when you can't even remember what day it is?” May I then just recollect some of my retirement adventures and bore you to death as well?

Much like many others, I just knew I would set the world on fire. I would become like so many other great "Shakespearean" orators by sharing my vast life experiences with all my neighbors at our little monthly town hall senior get-together. Well, guess what? I failed in the orator's role as well as many other projects I tried to take on. I couldn't even win at checkers, not to mention my Bingo failures. One would think, after so many retirement letdowns, giving up would be a relief. However, I just continued moving along.

Each day now, I find that just getting a shower is a real target for the day! And taking a nap is not a treat anymore, it's mandatory, because if I don't nap of my own free will, I just fall asleep where I sit.

I enjoy getting up early and going to the donut store to take advantage of my "Senior Discount." That is, until recently, when the store manager told me they no longer honored this discount in lieu of the advertised coupons. I just love going to the local old fashioned fast food drive-in to get the wife and I large cherry cokes before the ten o'clock drink curfew ended.

The other day, I happened to tune in my vehicle Sirius channel entitled 50's on 5. Did that ever take me back in time! I remember, sitting on the fender of my 1951 Mercury and turning the AM radio up loud enough for everyone to listen in for blocks away. If lucky, I would hear the music through all the crackling and popping static of the local AM stations. If you are in my shoes, you probably know exactly what I meant here.

I just knew the wife would be so happy if I pondered the many "honey-do” projects which were posted on my workshop wall awaiting my retirement. However, to complicate matters even more, my workshop became filled with the many TV advertised "fool proof" gadgets that make for an easier handy-man lifestyle. I never could resist a "free lunch" if you know what I mean. Did I ever get a wrong number here, including not getting my $19.95 mail orders doubled.

Why I even tried those miracle "fountain of youth" pills advertised on prime time television. You know the ones that will mystically shed pounds, put spring back in your step and greatly improve memory. But sad to say, I still have to ask the wife what day it is, as I rise to begin my days reign in my own little kingdom.

My son-in-law giving me that reworked PC was a grave mistake. Reason being, it always seem to crash in the middle of the night. When I would call him for help in getting it up and running again, his classic answer was always, "Dad", do you know what time it is? It’s two in the morning. Just unplug it, wait fifteen seconds and plug it back."

One of my first projects after retiring was to become better educated on the world’s current events. After all, if it was on national television, it had to be true. So I settled back in my "Frazer Dad" comfortable recliner, you know the one held together with all that duck-tape, and tuned in. Boy, was I surprised! How did this planet get in such seeming disarray? Where have I been the last 50 years?

Oh well, life is depressing enough, without some expert commentator telling me. So much for the TV news. Now, I just love the TV home and garden shows; the ones that tell me how to remodel my home in three days with a budget of a few thousand dollars. Just maybe I might be lucky enough to win the TV sweep-stakes!

If I'm lucky, I can join the other seniors in helping to solve the world's problems over my decaf coffee. If I'm energetic enough, I'll just mosey over to the gym and work out on my free senior pass by joining all the other senior "Mr. Americas.”

I must admit, I'm not the smartest fish in the pond, but I do have some logic. Life is what you make of it, and that includes our glorious retirement years. So, I think I'll drive down the street and visit my favorite fast food joint for breakfast. For you see, with a coupon I can get the gravy and biscuit and the senior coffee for less than two dollars.

I trust I haven't bored you by my vivid recall. Yes, I now realize I entered this new season of my life unprepared for all the aches and pains and the loss of strength and ability to go and do things that I wish I had done but never did. When I awake each day, I have just so much energy allotted to me. I can rush and use it up in a short period of time, or I can take it easy and stretch it out over the day.

I'll just take life as it comes by, rolling with the punches. Since I can't do anything about such happenings, I'll just take Deputy Barney Fife's advice and "nip it in the bud,” those ever-present negative thoughts, that is.

Now, just settle back and make yourself at home where you are. Wake up, get off your back-side, go out and smell the roses. Whenever we have the opportunity, let’s practice doing good to all.

Author's Postscript (Taken from the internet, author unknown)

LIVE LIFE WELL! ENJOY TODAY! DO SOMETHING FUN! BE HAPPY! HAVE A GREAT DAY! Remember, it is health that is real wealth and not pieces of gold and silver.

LASTLY, CONSIDER THIS:

Your kids are becoming you, as your grandchildren are perfect
Going out is good. Coming home is better.
You forget names, but it's OK, because other people forgot they even knew you.
The things you used to care to do, you no longer care to do, but you really do care that you don't care to do them anymore.
You sleep better on a lounge chair with the TV blaring than in bed. It's called "pre-sleep."
You miss the days when everything worked with just an "ON" and "OFF" switch. No remotes. No iPods. No iPads, No iPhones. No video games, etc.
You tend to use more 4-letter words like "what,” "when” or “where.”
Now that you can afford expensive jewelry, it's not safe to wear it.
You notice everything they sell in stores is "sleeveless.”
What used to be freckles are now liver spots.
Everybody now whispers.
You have three sizes of clothes in your closet, two of which you will never wear.
Nonetheless, old is good in some things: Old Songs, Old movies, and best of all, OLD FRIENDS!! So, stay well, "OLD

FRIEND!" It's not what you gather, but what you scatter that tells what kind of life you have lived.

REMEMBER! TODAY IS THE OLDEST YOU'VE EVER BEEN, YET THE YOUNGEST YOU'LL EVER BE, SO ENJOY THIS DAY WHILE IT LASTS.